How to Prepare an Umbra [1]
- Catch the umbra. Traditionally, umbrae are found in the depths of the darkest dens, the liminal labyrinths by a lost underworld lake, maybe the middle of a midnight rainforest’s murky swamps. Nowadays, they are found easily around you—an hour of misery where traffic lights turned red and the elevator stopped at every floor; a below-median grade on a final exam, a forgotten wallet, a crude comment by your best friend; or perhaps, the day that they left you forever.
- Clean the umbra. Run it under an ice-cold stream in your sink of dirty dishes. Rub it until it squeaks, sinking your thumbs into every crease and cut of the glob, until opaque turns translucent and translucent turns transparent.
- Chop the umbra. Throw it onto a plastic cutting board and take out a sharp knife. With swift up-and-down motions, cut the umbra into clean chunks of whitened shadow. The number is up to you; some prefer two wide cutlets, as per a butterfly technique; others choose to mince a slop.
- Caramelize the umbra. Toss the sliced fragments into a large pan. Add three tablespoons of sugar, four tablespoons of regret, one cup of soy sauce, one tablespoon of minced garlic, a pinch of upset and a pinch of salt, and optionally, assorted vegetables. Simmer the dish on low heat. When the liquid of your emotions reduces to a sticky syrup, stir at medium-high heat until it hisses and sizzles. Cool to room temperature.
- Chill the umbra. Transfer into a container of your choosing and refrigerate overnight. Turn the container upside-down and tap gently to remove the solidified mixture. Cleave into half-inch cubes and store in an airtight container for up to five days.
- Serve with a late-night salad of loneliness, or as garnish alongside a desperate steak-night dinner. Enjoy!
Umbra Recipes for the Soul [2]
Now that you know how to catch an umbra, twist it, knock it unconscious, clean it, chop it, cool it and serve it, you are ready to move onto more ambitious recipes. You’ve learned umbra as a salad, umbra as garnish for a steak. There’s always more. Umbra folded into an omelet, served with burnt toast and black coffee. Umbra blended into a green smoothie with wilted kale. Umbra lasagna, layered with ricotta and resignation. Umbra pot roast, slow-cooked in Sunday silence and served in chipped ceramic. Umbra in broth, torn into sujebi scraps, boiled with anchovy stock and grit. Umbra rolled into thin cylinders, sliced into tteok, simmered in gochujang and guilt. Cold umbra soba with wasabi grief and shredded seaweed longing. Umbra dumplings, pan-fried, pleated with precision, packing your heart in, fold by fold. Umbra kimbap, tightly packed. Umbra gyros wrapped in warm pita and dipped into thinned tzatziki. Umbra burger, charred, bleeding past tense. Baked umbra sourdough—the starter fed for weeks, risen in isolation, cracked and chewy. Umbra chips, kettle-cooked in old oil and salt. Umbra tartare, raw and elegant, for when you want to feel everything. Umbra casserole, family-style, reheated for decades. Umbra scrambled with six eggs and nothing else. Cocktail umbra, shaken with gin and terror, garnished with a twist of silence. Umbra à la mode. Umbra grilled cheese, crusts intact. Umbra curry, yellow and pale. Cold umbra sashimi. Umbra in a lunchbox note. Umbra between crackers at communion. Umbra, pickled. Umbra, flambéed. Umbra wrapped in rice paper. Umbra pâté. Umbra cupcakes with sprinkles. Umbra meal prep. Umbra for one. Umbra for when there’s nothing left in the fridge but you.
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[1] Written on 2025-01-30 for Daily Themes Week 3: Sound
Write a theme about anything at all in which you use alliteration (=vowel-based assonance & consonant-based consonance), phonesthemes (see excerpt #8, above), and/or onomatopoeia to heighten the most important moments. A challenge will be to keep it subtle versus cute.
[2] Written on 2025-04-12 for Daily Themes Week 11: Catalogue